Sparks of Phoenix is a poetry book written by Najwa Zebian and published by Andrews McMeel Publishing on March 5th, 2019. Najwa Zebian is a poet who has also written the books Mind Platter and The Nectar of Pain. For those who have experienced abuse, they will be able to relate to the words that Zebian has spoken in Sparks of Phoenix. What encouragement can be found in her book? Scroll down below for just a glimpse of Zebian’s true poetic genius.
1.
You lit my soul on fire and told me to watch it burn.
Page 2 of Sparks of Phoenix
2.
I used to look at those in pain and think they are choosing to be in pain until pain chose me and I understood the taste of feeling pain that you cannot control.
Page 6 of Sparks of Phoenix
3.
My soul has been burning for a while now. Pain has become my new normal.
Page 13 of Sparks of Phoenix
4.
I do not want anyone to tell me I am overthinking this. I just want someone to love me through this.
Page 18 of Sparks of Phoenix
5.
I am burning to ashes, hoping to rise one day.
Page 23 of Sparks of Phoenix
6.
Every time he asked me “Who do you think you are?” the ashes that I was burning into would answer: “I am no one.”
Page 24 of Sparks of Phoenix
7.
I bled, almost to death. Almost.
Page 25 of Sparks of Phoenix
8.
You make the mistake then blame me for it. You say I pushed you to be angry. And every time I try to apologize, you don’t accept my apology.
That’s called gaslighting.
Page 26 of Sparks of Phoenix
9.
If they take advantage of your vulnerability, they should be ashamed, not you. Vulnerability takes courage. Taking advantage takes cowardice. And though the world may be filled with people ready to take advantage of your purity, don’t let them taint your heart. The world might bring you down for being your kind self, but don’t let that change you. The world might push you to believe that there is no place for good people, but don’t let that stop you from believing in goodness. And if you struggle with the darkness out there, the world might convince you that you’re too sensitive. But don’t let that stop you from feeling. If feeling the pain of unfairness makes you sensitive, then may we all be sensitive. What I’m trying to say is, if you make the choice to be a good person regardless of how the world treats you in return, be proud of that. It makes you a hero. A gem. A true human.
Page 27 of Sparks of Phoenix
10.
What is worse than destroying someone is making them believe it was their fault.
That’s what you did to me.
Page 32 of Sparks of Phoenix
11.
They mutilate your soul by silencing your voice. So anytime you try to speak, you feel their silence overcoming you.
Page 33 of Sparks of Phoenix
12.
If you’re silent, you choke on pain that they make you feel. And if you speak, you choke on shame that they make you feel.
Page 34 of Sparks of Phoenix
13.
Sometimes I feel my soul so heavily, as if it’s a burden on the air I breathe.
Page 38 of Sparks of Phoenix
14.
Pain comes when it comes, not when you’re ready for it. And it leaves when it leaves, not when you want it to.
Page 39 of Sparks of Phoenix
15.
I was learning to throw pebbles, and you gave me mountains to carry.
Page 41 of Sparks of Phoenix
16.
I feel crippled every time I think back to how you silenced me.
Page 42 of Sparks of Phoenix
17.
What you tell your mind to avoid is what your heart is truly seeking.
Page 44 of Sparks of Phoenix
18.
When they don’t like that you speak the truth, they will try to change your reality. They will create a world where your truth is considered insanity.
Page 51 of Sparks of Phoenix
19.
You light the fire in front of me and then you blame me for playing with it. Don’t tell me that you love me and then blame me for falling in love with you.
Page 53 of Sparks of Phoenix
20.
I want to complain to you about you.
Page 54 of Sparks of Phoenix
21.
Rejection hurts even if it’s from someone you no longer want. A knife in your heart hurts no less if you don’t want it there.
Page 58 of Sparks of Phoenix
22.
I do not want you to apologize. I do not want you to be sorry that I felt that way. I want you to be sorry for what you did. To feel sorry for making me feel the way that you did.
Page 59 of Sparks of Phoenix
23.
I am so tired of carrying this pain that was never mine in the first place.
Page 64 of Sparks of Phoenix
24.
The world sees that you are in pain and says: Let me give you a little more. You’ve handled this much. You can handle a bit more.
Page 66 of Sparks of Phoenix
25.
I don’t have to look like I’m in pain for me to be in pain.
Page 67 of Sparks of Phoenix
26.
Your friends will say: “I miss you.” You’ll say: “I miss me too.”
Page 68 of Sparks of Phoenix
27.
I was telling them that I was in pain without telling them. I was hoping they would see my wings turn into ashes. I was hoping they would wonder why the fire that was once in my eyes was now burning the life out of me.
Page 69 of Sparks of Phoenix
28.
They want to know why you’re sad, but when you finally speak, they make you wish that you never spoke.
Page 70 of Sparks of Phoenix
29.
I come to the coffee shop when I have no one to meet, and I sip on my coffee slowly. I look out the window waiting for no one to come, slowly.
Page 71 of Sparks of Phoenix
30.
Some hearts ache from holding too much hatred. Mine aches from holding too much love.
Page 74 of Sparks of Phoenix
31.
Your insides have been the home of abuse for so long that love hurts as it enters.
Page 80 of Sparks of Phoenix
32.
I feel that I am on the verge of disappearing, of surrendering into nothingness, of accepting that I am worth absolutely nothing and that I deserve what happened to me. And everything that it did to me. I have no power. Where do I get it from?
Page 82 of Sparks of Phoenix
33.
It’s easier for them to believe that something is wrong with you than it is for them to believe that something wrong happened to you.
Page 100 of Sparks of Phoenix
34.
Let them judge you. They will live with their judgment, and you will live with your truth.
Page 125 of Sparks of Phoenix
35.
If they are talking about you behind your back, shame on them. Let them talk. If someone spends their time talking about you negatively, what does that say about them?
If they blame you for what you went through, let them blame you. You know what happened to you. If they blame you for burning in a fire someone put you through, that speaks of them, not of you. Instead of helping you heal, they are telling you that your soul’s burning was your own fault. You don’t need people like that in your life.
If they see you screaming for help and pretend not to hear, let them turn away. Their refusal to act does not mean that you don’t have a voice. It means that they are in denial of the effect they need to make to cause change.
Those who don’t have the courage to acknowledge that you’ve been wronged are complicit in your harm. They are bystanders. Don’t take that lightly. Anyone who stays quiet during your time of need either does not care about you, is too afraid to show you their support, or doesn’t believe you. And you don’t need to think of any of those people during your time of struggle. Continue to care about them if you do; show them support when they need it; and believe them when they speak their truth. Because that is who you are. But don’t let their lack of support make you feel unworthy. Their stances show their character, not yours.
Last but not least, remember that staying true to yourself is the most important thing. Don’t allow gossip, hypocrisy, misogyny, or bias to bring you down. You are way ahead of those things. And you are standing by the truth by standing up against them. Whoever you are and wherever you are-keep going. Keep fighting. Keep being a warrior. Do not give up.
Page 130 of Sparks of Phoenix
36.
You hit me with your pain and I turn it into poetry.
Page 138 of Sparks of Phoenix
37.
Never wish them pain. That’s not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing. That’s what they need.
Page 170 of Sparks of Phoenix
38.
It’s sad how you disappoint those who let you down when you speak of how they let you down.
Page 171 of Sparks of Phoenix
39.
I stopped longing to be understood when the ones I thought understood me in my darkness turned out to have knives hidden under their tongues.
Page 172 of Sparks of Phoenix
40.
When a hero is rising, many will choose to focus on the ashes at their feet. Keep rising. You are about to start soaring.
Page 177 of Sparks of Phoenix
41.
I am so proud of the warrior I’ve created from the ashes that were meant to bury me.
Page 180 of Sparks of Phoenix
42.
I have poems and books inside of me waiting to be written from the pain of humans whose names history will not remember or miss.
Page 184 of Sparks of Phoenix
43.
My wounds teach me not to hurt others.
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44.
My scars have become my friends. They remind me of how brave I was to overcome the pain of my wounds.
Page 191 of Sparks of Phoenix
45.
Why should I feel bad for you? Why should I feel guilty for not wondering how you are dealing with your truth being exposed?
When you were torturing me, did you for one moment wonder how I was dealing with what you were putting me through?
Page 195 of Sparks of Phoenix
46.
Regret without an apology is cowardice.
Page 197 of Sparks of Phoenix
47.
The most painful rejection is rejection of the self. The soul’s denial of itself. The heart’s refusal to love itself before it’s loved by someone else.
Page 202 of Sparks of Phoenix
48.
If I lost your respect because of what I went through, keep your respect. I don’t want it.
Page 204 of Sparks of Phoenix
49.
I hear your words through my wounds. I see your face through my wounds. I talk to you through my wounds. And I will love you through my wounds, just like your love will enter me through my wounds.
Page 218 of Sparks of Phoenix
50.
He tells me:
“Your history is written in your eyes. In the way that you look down and to the side, anywhere but into my eyes.”
Page 224 of Sparks of Phoenix
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